When I was in college a friend gave me a copy of this poem and it has always stayed with me... Always in the back of my mind when I look at any child.
Law Nolte, Dorothy (1924 - 2005) Children learn what they live
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn. If children live with hostility, they learn to fight. If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive. If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves. If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy. If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy. If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty. If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. If children live with tolerance, they learn patience. If children live with praise, they learn appreciation. If children live with acceptance, they learn to love. If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves. If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal. If children live with sharing, they learn generosity. If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness. If children live with fairness, they learn justice. If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect. If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them. If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
I understand that there are very few people like myself in the world. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I do not have a penis in this sense but I have a hard time understanding why people just can't be totally honest with each other. Granted, I am brash and blunt most of the time. Mr. Bacon Bringer Homer says that I do not have a mute button when I give honest answers. I feel that I would be doing a huge disservice to my children if I sugar coated things. If I weren't forthright with them, it would be as if I am telling them they need to be honest human beings...but only in certain circumstances. This is just the tip of my iceberg on that subject.
In our home there is nothing on a child's level that can not be played with. Everything in their reach can be picked up, played with and learned about. We do not prevent our children and those that visit our home from a teaching experience. We want our children to know how things work, what they do, what they do not do and what they can become. We encourage active imaginative play and not with just toys. We support well rounded learning and vocabulary boosting. We do not baby talk to our children. If our child wants to try to do something, we encourage it. I am not saying that we are letting them jump off the banister or do anything that could potentially maim them for life! If they want to taste something, we encourage it. They are individual human beings. Just because I or we may not like to do or eat something, does not mean that this separate person capable of their own individual likes and dislikes will or won't.
Being a SAHM offers me the advantages of choosing what I deem appropriate for my children to learn. I am fortunate in this instance. I understand that parents who opt to send their children to a formalized preschool or daycare, believe in their heart that they have made the correct choice of appropriateness as to what their children are exposed to whether it was by necessity or not. I also understand that I can not control what they are going to be introduced to when they start school, but we as parents will be involved.
The point of my parenting rant is not the actuality of being a SAHP or not. This is not a war between the working parents...just because you work hard, bring home a paycheck and I do not does not by any mean, mean that I do not work just as hard or even harder than you...DRAMA. The fundamental of my argument is how children are being raised today. Many of them are taught that the world owes them something. This attitude is primarily based on bribing children in my mind. If you do what I ask of you right now then you will get ____ in return. How about teaching your children that you mean what you say and leave the bribery out.
Disclosure: I will include that a reward system for long-term success for attaining certain goals is appreciated in my mind such as acts in Potty Training.
Parents are so apt today to give in and forget that a child is learning everything everyday to which the parents have known their whole life. Can a parent honestly say that they have bribery arguments with their boss or anyone in the real world? Re-teaching the parent to actually say what they mean and mean what they say when it comes to parenting I feel is necessary to raise a capable, self assured, contributing and productive child.
We, as parents spend so much time teaching our children what they can't do rather than letting them learn what they can do. A capable child, understands that making their own choices is part of everyday life. I am not saying that I am offering my children my keys to drive my car. I am, however notioning to the fact that all actions are choices and most of those choices have consequences. Life isn't always fair, every parent or non-parent alike knows this. However, if you give your children time for appropriateness, you will spend less time telling them no, when it is not the appropriate situation of sorts. Leading by example, getting down, experiencing life through their eyes and teaching your child manners will give them the cornerstone of success in life.
We have an art table in our kitchen that is stocked with paper, markers, crayons, stickers, playdoh and tools as well as colored pastas, yarn and glue. It is fully accessible for him to get creative with these supplies as long as they are done at the art table. It is there for getting creative. When I set things out for him to "experiment" with, we do this together, messes are contained and are ok. Showing him that this is the appropriate place to make a mess.
Yesterday, we had a play date for Monk here at our house. There were 3 other children in addition to Monk. So, these 3 other children at the play date kept looking up at their mothers to see if today's messy activity was ok. Monk was happily playing along and getting royally messy. Stated in our posted play date was the fact that we were going to get messy, so bring a change of clothes. Over and over these moms kept asking me "are you sure this is ok?" I kept saying to these moms that it is ok for the kids to get messy; "pour, dump, taste, & try new things" I told the kids. They (the moms) looked at me like I was nuts. In return, I tried my hardest not to look at them back with the look of "you don't let your children do this?" Do these parents not talk to their children about where they are going and what they are going to do when they get there? Or better yet, standing there speechless at their child...not one of them asked their children questions about what they were doing, making ect. No engagement. Maybe I am wrong in my thinking about them as parents, but their children had a very hard time engaging in messy play, it was if they thought that by participating they would "get in trouble."
In our family, we learn new things together, make a mess together and together we clean it up. If you don't do this, how will they learn what stuff feels like, tastes like, imagine...create and to clean up their messes? It's as if you gave a child a box of crayons without outlets to utilize them, duh they are going to think of something to use them on and most likely you are going to have to clean their artwork off the walls. In doing this, will they have a sense of self accomplishment, self assurance, self awareness? Yes, but you will probably end up frustrated, portraying your frustration to your child thus unknowingly telling them that this accomplishment...their masterpiece is not acceptable in your mind. Thus teaching them that it is right to be shameful and wrong to have confidence in what they are capable of doing. I know that there can't be just a few of us parents in the world! You know those of us who want our children to know what a tree feels like rather than looking at it out a window or on a computer!
It just astounds me the way that parents will talk down to a child yet expect them to act like mature adults all the time and then be embarrassed at ultimate meltdowns. We knew what type of parents we wanted to be before we became parents. I know this is true of most parents. There are things that we as grown "children" think that our parents could have done differently and we as the "parents" now are out to change. There are things that we as "parents" will instill in our children as our parents did that we will pass along. We as parents want the best for our children...for some it is the best clothes, schools, toys, you know what you can buy your child. The best thing in life that you can give your child is your actions, attention, patience, kindness and love; you know the stuff you can't buy but teach. The hindsight of relegating your child to the back burner in life and not being that parent you knew you wanted to be to your child is...your decision.
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